if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
