Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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