the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
