I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
