he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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