this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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