Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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