last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
