break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just blew my weed a kiss
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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