I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The ass gains better be worth it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
