'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
