its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
