He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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