big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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