you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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