it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he thought i was a dude.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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