so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This toilet bowl is my home.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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