i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
