can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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