M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
