after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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