you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
