Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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