If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
