There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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