saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
