There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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