and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
