Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she told me i tasted like america
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
