Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
