32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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