did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
