I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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