you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
