I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
