I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
