God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
