Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
