Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
