This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
