I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
