Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
