You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
