So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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