Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
