I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
