overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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