We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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