I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
