Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
