they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
