I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
