i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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