just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
