she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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