You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize