Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
