I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
