she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
