I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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