I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
