Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
