I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
