accomplished twins. life is a go
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Everclear isn't food dammit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
