i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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