they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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