Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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