Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
