Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
