My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
