New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
