True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We are two peas in an std pod
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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