I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have so many feelings about this burrito
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
