you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
