I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
