I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
