I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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