How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
