you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
